Grated Horseradish Root (aka Death by Chemical Weaponry)

Hello my darlings!
Fresh Horseradish
Have you ever been in the kitchen, rockin & rollin’ away, shakin’ your tail feather to your favorite tunes, cooking up your best batch of your best dish… only to be stopped dead in your tracks by an over-whelming and teary eyed confusion of burning pain? 
It could be that you grabbed the handle of a hot cast iron pan. Or perhaps you were chopping chiles and despite the fact that you’ve washed your hands eight hundred billion times, somehow the residue of those bastard chiles have embedded themselves into your DNA (or under your finger-nails) and you accidentally rubbed your eye or nose. Or maybe you hacked into a room temperature onion with a dull knife and their sulphoxides accosted your eye balls… 
horseradish collage
Let me tell you something, my friends… I had an experience recently that makes the above tortures seem like a relaxing hot bath with a bottle of wine, chocolate covered strawberries and this guy.
Horseradish Root
A few weeks ago, we made Snackin’ Caesars. Glorious. What wasn’t so glorious? Grating fresh horseradish. Seriously – that shit could be made into a chemical weapon. Like, O.M.G. I’m pretty sure I have permanent lung damage. My vision has never been the same, that’s for sure!
I’ve never felt such pain before. And it hung in the air for days. The kind of annihilating, burning, blurry, headache, sinus fuck that it was – I was sure we were going to suffocate in the stuff. We threw open the windows, turned on the oven fan and buried our heads in the freezer but nothing made it better. 
Word to the wise: Grate your horseradish not only in a well ventilated area, but outdoors. Get that shit out of your house. And for the love of God, don’t lean directly over the stuff. Ouch. 
That being said, there’s nothing better than fresh horseradish in your Caesar. Except for maybe that bath thing. And making sure it’s easily on hand makes Sunday morning cocktails a cinch. 
Just remember – Out. Side.

Grated Horseradish Root

Servings 4 jars


  • 1 Piece of Horseradish Root approx. the length of your hand or so, peeled and chopped into 2" pieces.
  • 'Lil Water.
  • 'Lil Vinegar.


  • Put chopped horseradish and water into your food processor. Start with a couple Tbsps of water. Add more if necessary as you go. Process until finely ground. Add the vinegar and pulse a few times to ensure it gets worked in.
  • Alternatively, you can grate on a cheese grater but it's much more painful. For everyone. Then mix with water and vinegar after.
  • Make sure your jars, lids, rings (or whatever container you're going to store this bad boy in) are very clean or sterilized. Spoon grated and mixed horseradish mixture into the container and cover.
  • Store in the fridge and be sure to use within a couple of weeks.Now, Caesar up!
Tried this recipe?Let us know how it was!


What’s your kitchen kryptonite? Any horrible, over-whelming and teary eyed confusion of burning pain experiences?


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